Four Things to Remember When Grieving
Take Quiet Time Alone for Reflection
We all need a time to grieve – quiet time for reflection to sift through memories and come to grips with what has happened. Grief is defined, "deep sorrow." Unfortunately the only way to deal with grief is go through it and feel it. Go through pictures and think about the memories of that person that meant so much. It's sometimes hard to come to grips with what has happened. Life is so uncertain. You need time to just, "be." Be alone with your feelings and let God's supernatural power strengthen you and comfort you like no one can except for Him. Also here is a Hotline so you can talk to someone anonymously. Grief Recovery Hotline 1-800-445-4808.
Don't Let Other People Define Your Grieving Process
Some people grieve privately and quietly. We need to allow our tears to flow. Not for the one that is now at peace in heaven but for ourselves because life will never be the same. One day a person is there and then they are gone. I've heard some people say, "You reach a new normal." But this takes time and the amount of time is different for everyone. Another friend I know lost her daughter to suicide over a year ago and she still posts pics regularly on Facebook of her daughter as a way to remember the vibrant young woman she was and remember the good times. That's her way of dealing. I don't believe you ever get over a death. My grandmother died more than twenty years ago and I still miss her and think about her every day. Her name was Juanita and in photographs, she often wore a cameo pin. When in Scotland, shortly after she died, I found a delicate gold ring with a tiny cameo. I sometimes wear that ring because it reminds me of her. I think grief is different according to the way we lose a loved one too. My cousin Jamie was murdered a few years ago. Along with my grief came anger and hatred of the man who killed him. Senseless acts like that bring other emotions in addition to grief. Unexpected fatal car accidents bring shock. So in a death experience, often we are dealing with a myriad of emotions. The important thing is, no one can tell you how to grieve. It's one of the most deeply personal processes and it belongs to you.
Be Patient With Those Trying to Help
I wish there was a toolbox of perfect words that you could could pull from to say the right thing to someone. But what you will hear over and over and over is, "Sorry for your loss." Or, "They're in a better place." This sometimes doesn't help and may actually frustrate us. The thing is people don't know what to say. At memorial services and funerals it's very difficult because we hear the same phrases from everyone. People will say, "Call me if you need anything." Well the problem is, during grief, we don't know what we need. When comforting someone try re-phrasing the question to a specific action. "Can I bring you some food?" "Can I mow your lawn for you?" "Do you need me to watch the children for a few hours?" This helps the grieving person register in their brain what really would be helpful.
Lean in to Your Heavenly Father
I don't know if grief ever goes away, to be honest. But what I do know is God is alive and well and waiting to work in your life and comfort you. If you have grown distant from God or do not have a relationship with him, know that your life will be better with his guiding hand and grace. Simply say, "God forgive me for my sins and come into my life." Mean it with all your heart and God will show up and begin to work in your life. During the grief process, we need God. You see, His comfort is supernatural, powerful and effective. He will help begin the healing process and give you moments of joy even in the midst of your grief. Allow God to wrap his arms around you and send ministering angels so that you can get through this. Lean in to God, He will help you moment by moment and day by day. You will survive tragedy. It's a promise from God and He does not break His promises. Of that you can be sure.